Truth Be Told

Transitions can be difficult. Especially when they are unexpected, unplanned for, or unwelcome. Many of us are going through that now and all of us have been suddenly faced with changes in our lives that we do not want, on top of those that we already would have had to deal with. If you are among those of us who also deal with anxiety or depression, this can be a particularly overwhelming time.

There’s more on this in my upcoming book, #trainwrecked (watch for it towards the end of the year), but as I process through my transitions, I hope I can help you deal with yours in real time, rather than waiting for the book to come out and/or this pandemic to finally be resolved. We need to get through the day to day now. We need to know that we are not alone, especially as this pandemic forces upon us a feeling of isolation which exaggerates anxiety that we may already be experiencing.

When we first heard of the virus, I was in the midst of recovering from my accident. I had been falsely accused by the school district of being inappropriate and was on paid leave during their “investigation.” I was just beginning to realize that my union appointed attorney was more interested getting through the process with as little effort as possible and did not really have my interests as a top priority. I still had the naive belief that the truth would come out and I would be back in the classroom with my students soon, but I was realizing that it might be in spite of my representation rather than because of it. This was just prior to my finding out the extent that the district was willing to lie in order to leave the impression that they were being “proactive” at my expense. Every day (and often during the night) I woke up in pain from the accident. The frustration of not being able to physically do what I used to do, combined with not being allowed to do what I was truly good at doing, was wearing me down and sinking me deeper. Still, I was raised with the belief that everything would somehow and eventually be OK.

Many of us in the last several generations have some form of this engrained into our belief systems. “If you work hard enough…” “If you make good choices…” “If you just believe… everything will be OK.” The belief that bad circumstances come from bad choices and that they are somehow punishment for things we have done permeates our hearts and minds, even when we should know better, and creates a self-impression that we are in exactly the circumstances we deserve. This contrasts sharply with the more recent belief that “it’s not your fault” and someone else or some systemic unfairness is the cause of our problems. This, of course, has its own problems, but that’s another topic. The belief that we get what we deserve and can do nothing about it leaves us stuck, not because we cannot change our circumstances, but because we choose not to do so.

As I recovered from the accident, I tried to keep busy in any way that I could, as much as I could. I had plenty of projects around the house. I built some workbenches and patio bars to sell. I worked with my friend on som construction jobs. Although all of these were good ideas, I still had this feeling that I was just waiting to see what was going to happen and that my entire life was on hold until something I had no control over was worked out by people I had no influence over. Now we all feel that way because of the virus that has become a global pandemic. Some days I don’t know if I can even get started.

I share all of this with you because I know many of you are also feeling overwhelmed and are met, maybe for the first time ever, with the feeling that everything may not be OK and that it Has little or nothing to do with how hard we work, whether we do the “right” thing, or whose fault it is. So we are led to the the next big question: now what?

I‘ve shared in previous posts how making a plan and taking steps towards a goal will give us a sense of accomplishment and lead to bigger things. That is still true, but what about those days when you can’t see a goal? What about those days when you don’t have a plan? What about those mornings when waking up brings you a sense “oh no, I have to do it again” rather than the joy that should greet us each morning that we wake?

Do one thing!

Start small. Sometimes just getting up and having breakfast is an accomplishment. Go for a walk or a run. I have a bodacious goal of running a marathon one year after being hit by a train. I started with walking and progressed to running. Now my morning runs feel like a part of the day and do not even like a “thing” that I’ve accomplished that day. Even my weekly long runs are just a part of my routine. Add one more thing. Decide in the morning on one thing that you will accomplish that day. It doesn’t matter what time or how long it takes. Get that one thing done. If you don’t, do not beat yourself up about it. That just means you don’t need to think about tomorrow’s thing; it’s already chosen. Sometimes it helps to think of two or three things that need to be done and pick one for today. If you need to rest afterwards that’s ok. If you can, start on the next thing on the list, or not. After a while you can do two or three things in one day, but don’t worry about that now. Today, it’s just one thing.

Truth be told, writing is one of my things to do. If I can get a post published, I can say I did one thing today. I hope I’ll be writing more frequently and that I can get some of my thoughts down in my book eventually, but I’m not there yet. The biggest issues I face are feeling a sense of isolation and a lack of accomplishment. My greatest hope is that I am able to take my experiences and use them to help others that are struggling with some of the same things.

I hope you find a sense of accomplishment today. I hope you feel a little less isolated.