I wanted to quit today.
I went for what was supposed to be an 18 mile run on one of my favorite trails. It was hot. My hydration pack wasn’t working correctly. Honestly, although my training schedule says I’m ready for 18 miles, my conditioning doesn’t seem to be. Anything beyond 12 and I fade fast, especially if it’s hot.
So I went out the 9 miles and turned around. I finally figured out why my hydration pack wasn’t working and fixed it. At least I wold have water for the run back. The temperature started rising and I felt the heat taking a toll. I missed a turn somewhere and found myself on unfamiliar trail. Legs started aching and I could feel the commitment to my run drain from me. I found the trail back and made it to a park 4 miles from the park I had left my car at. I saw a ranger and asked if it possible to get a ride to the other park. I had quit.
After a few moments, however, I couldn’t do it. I had finished 14 miles. I could do 4 more. I was already down to hiking, but I could still put one foot in front of another. One step at a time. As the saying goes, “Relentless Forward Progress.”
As it tuns out, this is an accurate metaphor for my life right now. I’ve been fighting an uphill battle of late. I was falsely accused of a litany of things at work and decided that the best move was to retire Early. As I struggle with my new found extra time And loss of income, the support of my friends and family have literally held me together. Recently another accusation came out, it wasn’t actually aimed at me, but my name was mentioned and several of my friends seemed to believe it and no longer want to be in my corner.
Truth be told, I’ve thought about giving up the fight. I don’t know how. I know there are times, for some of us, when the anxiety takes over and we just want to stop fighting. We get tired. It may be that we have to change the target of our fight. It may be that we have to regroup and change who is on our team. Whatever it looks like, the future is worth getting to. The future is better. Your last good day was not your last good day. Neither was mine.
